Tag Archives: Benghazi

REMEMBER BENGHAZI

It’s finally stopped raining up here in Cow Hampshire, and the happiest guys around are the “spooks” on surveillance.  They showed up in the middle of a rainstorm, black cars, black suits; right after this guy Snowden played kiss and tell over in Hong Kong just a week or so ago.

Been here since.  A nicer bunch of guys, and the occasional girl, you’d wouldn’t want to meet.  Just folks, you know.  They spend a lotta time in their cars and suburbans checking equipment, raising and lowering antennas.  Making coffee runs.  Stuff like that.

It was real funny the first night they were here when Moe Gannon, the local cop who does steady nights here, started giving them a hard time about over night street parking.  You see, there ain’t none allowed up here unless you call the station and let ’em know.  Agent Ed, a guy from Kansas, had to use my neighbor Harry’s phone to do that.  He said it would show up at NSA real funny if he made the call from his work phone, because no one was supposed to know they were here.  They got permission, but they also got a visit from the Chief.  He has a cousin in the FBI out in LA.  Wanted to know if Ed knew the guy.  Harry said he’s not FBI.  “Where you from?” the chief asks.  “Kansas,” Ed says.  “No,” says the chief, “who you with?”  Ed points to the five or six other black cars and suburbans on the block, and says, “Them.”  The chief nods and says, “Oh, NSA.  I heard you guys are gonna be all over.  Just watching, I’m told.  OK.”  He gets back in his car, and as he drives off he rolls down the window and says, “Gimme a call if you’re gonna be here more’n a week.  Parks and Roads is supposed to pave up here next week, and you guys are gonna have to find something do to somewhere else.  Stay dry.”

Anyway, you’d think that the gummint would give these guys some protection from the elements.  But, Obama’s on his way to Africa where all he’s got to worry about is stepping in some Hippo splat, I guess, and he don’t care.  Never really did, I suppose.  It’s an IVY league thing, I guess.  Even though most of them work for the gummint, or work for companies that work for the gummint they hate the gummint almost as much as they hate the rest of us who don’t play golf, know how to sail, or wear docksiders.

Now that’s pure prejudice, but the surveillance guys told me I could knock the IVY league.  Just don’t say anything bad about Catholics.  Or maybe it’s the other way around.  Or maybe it’s marriage.  I get mixed up.

Poor guys these surveillance guys and their dark suits, Presidential junkets at 100 mil a copy don’t get bothered by a sequester I guess.   (I mean wouldn’t you want to get as far away from your screw ups as possible if you was him?)  But a raincoat for a team of guys spying on everyone up and down the block in case we become a threat…or already are…a raincoat’s outta the question.

Homer, the agent from Alabama that got stuck up in the tree because he’s been squirrel bit and’s afraid to come down has got himself a NAAAAS-T-assed cold.  He ran out of tissues yesterday afternoon.  They just turned to a soggy ball of rain diluted snot in his pocket.  His hankie’s too wet and everything else on him is wet and real UUUGGGLLLYYY!; messed up as mud season in March.  He ain’t sitting up in that tree, he’s just oozing on one of the branches.  He used up all the leaves within reach blowing his hooter. ( Not a pleasant sound, lemme tell you. )  He’s outside now about 40 feet up  with his snot locker looking like a fire hydrant going full out, and a puddle of goop forming around the tree trunk and running out onto my neighbor’s drive.  That dries around his wheels and Mike’s gonna have a tough time moving his car.

I don’t figure that the NSA thought about the weather after Snowden lifted the lid and that they wanted to get a handle on what was happening all over this land that’s your land, this land that’s my land, as old Woody once sang about.

I’m expecting that my iPhone will come today.  NSA insisted that I get one so they could tap into it and download all of my traffic.   They’re sending me a 7 year old kid to teach me how to run the thing.  They got a whole division of seven year old kids fanning out across the country for that.

My only worry was that after I get checked out, aside from calling to check the time, I won’t have any use for it.  When I told the NSA guy in charge of surveillance of everything on my block about this, he said, “Don’t worry about it at all.  We got two plans for you:  Plan A is where you sign up for 100 phone numbers to call, or get calls from so we can put them into our data base.  That’s our Basic, and it’s real cheap.  Plan B, which costs a little more, is what we call our Automatic Plan.  That’s where you get enrolled in our NSA Random Phone Call Program (RPCP), and we simply assign a bunch of phone calls from all over the world to you every month.  You can pick regions and numbers of calls, but we won’t let you do cities or neighborhoods.  It’s easier on you, but you do have to pay more.”

“How much,” I asked.  “The cost of the call if you had made it,” he said  Then he explained that both the IRS and FBI needed that for tax and evidence purposes.  “If you were to get on Welfare, it would all be free.”

Late last night, my neighbor Kyle snuck into my house through an open window in my basement.  “What the hell are you doing that for, Kyle,” I asked.  “You could have just come up and knocked on the door…and at a more decent hour, if you don’t mind.”  Kyle was just standing there covered with cobwebs (DUH, it’s a basement???).  And all he was wearing was his underwear.

“You don’t have time to get dressed?”  I screamed.  The least you could have done was wear a damned bathrobe!”

I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.  Homer’s screaming for help.

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Can Anyone Be That Stupid??? You Want The Truth?

People all over this land are interested in wondering about one thing.  Who let the dogs out?  The dogs in this little piece about getting to the bottom of things are the filthy B***ards who stormed, and are still storming, the embassies and consulates of these Untied States of America in almost every place we have one beginning on September 11, 2012,  yet another day that will Live in Infamy…for an entirely different reason.

How did it happen that we were caught with our pants down?  Hell not only down, but completely off.  How did it happen that no one knew a damn thing about what was coming?  How did it happen that in Libya, a place where we played such a big part in freeing people from a dictator, our little piece of Amurriker was attacked…not demonstrated in front of…but attacked by a well trained and coordinated group, and we knew nothing about it?

You will remember, children, that in order for peace to prevail among nations, they have been in the habit of sending representatives one to another, to live in each other’s countries and to help in the conduct of the business of life in a dignified and peaceful fashion.  The persons so sent and the places where they live and work are considered to be sovereign and are placed under the protection of the hosting nation so guarantees of safety and sovereignty may be assured.  or, something like that.

OK?  OK, then.

So, what happened just a few days ago?  Well, if one believes the current fabulous tale being spun out of the our Capitol and throughout this land of mine and yours by the minions of truth, justice and the American Way, what happened was that some small time film maker made a film out in La-La Land which was never really completed, and never shown in a theater, and never released directly to DVD and never appeared anywhere except in a terribly disjointed 18 minutes long  “trailer” on You Tube, that well known location for blockbuster film premiers and whacko attempts at God-Only-Knows-What-But-It-Certainly-Ain’t-Cinema.

Some enterprising artiste dubbed the thing in Arabic, a language spoken by a goodly percentage of the world’s murderers, and things hit the fan. So, it’s really all our fault.  Time for the sad music and another apology.  And, it all happened too quickly and too quietly for anyone to know about before hand, or believe you me steps would have been taken.  We have promised to do so in the past, haven’t we?  How many times have we promised to take steps?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Well it is starting to become clear that this is not, erm, the truth.  This happens to the best of my ability to figure out, about a month or so ago.  You will read in this article by a reporter named  Caroline Glick that originally appeared in an AUSTRALIAN newspaper that some Mooselimb TV station in Egypt runs the film a whole month ago.   The “film” itself is finished a whole year ago.  Nobody really does a thing for w while.  Are they waiting?   These guys who run the thing are Salami Mooselimbs, or something like that, intellectually and doctrinally the rough equivalent of the snake handlers down in West Virginny.  But, by God, they know blasphemy when they see it, and know what to do.  I am sure you can imagine the Rev. Joe-Jim Bob Haystacks from East Mudgulch organizing an attack on, oh, say the Albanian Embassy here because some Albanian said something ugly about JEEEZUZ?

Yeah, neither can I.  Yet, that’s what happened, even after we apologized for it and said, “Please don’t hate us.”  Well, that’s what they want us to believe happened.

This thing appeared a MONTH ago?  Really? Yep, a month.  And to top it all off,  we knew something dangerous was this way coming.  We had been warned, we had been told, we’d heard it staid

Then we had time to get ready, right?  So you’d think.  Instead we went out for lunch and played a little golf, the weather being good for that.

AN IMAGINARY CONVERSATION INSERTED AS RELIEF FROM THIS TEDIOUS INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST STUFF

“Hello, Madame Secretary.  This is Ambassador Stevens.”

“Why yes, Ambassador.  I was just talking with the President and Secretary of Defense about you.  September 11 is coming up and…”

“Funny thing, that’s why I placed this call.  I’m in Geneva now, and I just got word from Under Secretary Blivot’s team at State that the Freedom Fighters in Benghazi are planning an attack on the Consulate down there.”

“Of course they are, Chris.  You don’t mind me calling you Chris, do you?  We heard all about it yesterday.  The place is going to explode.  Well, what can you expect?”

“Oh, cool.  I thought I’d get a couple of guys together and fly down to get killed, take one for the team, so to speak.  You could blame it all on that idiot out in California, apologize once again…we missed last month’s apology to Islam…and make a lot of points with the voters for our irenic response to irrational provocations from whacko film makers in California, a place we stole from the Mexicans.”

“That’s great, Chris.  Barry was just wondering if you wouldn’t mind doing something like that.  We’ve got the press all primed for that story.  That idiot Romney will do something Republican about swift (I hate that damn word.) response and forceful measures, and we can take the high road.  It should give us a really good poll bounce.”

“I’m happy to. Hillary. Say,you don’t mind me calling you Hillary, do you?”

“Nah, go ahead.  You won’t have long to do it.”

“Good.  Then this is goodbye.  Have fun.  Oh, I’ve already voted.”

“Great.  See if you can get the guys who are going to die with you to stuff a few in there for us “White Hats”, ha ha, before they get blown up, willya.”

BACK TO TEDIUM, SERIOUSLY

Now, that conversation never took place, of course.  But it certainly seems no other conversation ever took place either; like a short one saying, “Get the hell out of town, quick.”  Or, like, “Duck, because in about a minute we are gonna bomb the hell out of everything around you.”  And, that can only be due to the fact that the phone lines were down and all communication was cut off between the US and its embassies.  Or, maybe it is the fault of Congress and the Republicans who have refused to raise the debt limit and let Uncle Sugar pay his bills and keep the phone working.  Who knows.  It can’t be because they are all criminally stupid.  Can it?

As evidence that sanity reigns in Washington and throughout the government I offer the words of our Ambassador to the United nations…a place which wouldn’t exist without you and me pick up most of the bills… who is on record telling one of the suits on something called “This Week” last week that,..well, you go read it for yourself.  I can’t type it, because my attorney tells me that if I do I might become a part of a conspiracy to spread stupidity across the country, and during the past four years we have become more than sufficiently stupid to get us all killed.